Once, when someone made critical remarks about those who follow contemporary fashion trends, Amma gently intervened:
Don’t judge them. Through fashion, these people gain self-confidence. Everyone needs self-confidence to move forward. Seekers have spiritual knowledge that empowers them, but not everyone has that. So don’t judge them.
I was struck by the vast understanding and compassion behind Amma’s words. From a worldly perspective, self-confidence is usually defined as trust in one’s own abilities, qualities and judgments. Such confidence often arises from the feeling: “I have achieved something. I possess wealth, status or recognition. I have done something remarkable. I am special.”
But because these supports are temporary, this kind of confidence is also temporary. Even so, it is important. Without confidence, even small tasks can feel impossible. We procrastinate, avoid or hide, not because we are incapable, but because we do not trust ourselves enough to act.
When Amma said that seekers are fortunate to possess spiritual knowledge, which is empowering, I understood her to mean that we must use our capacities and talents with the clear awareness that the true power behind all action comes from God — from the Self alone. This is genuine Self-confidence. Such understanding shifts the focus away from personal ability to divine grace. The confidence that arises from this shift is not fleeting, because it is rooted in the eternal.
For much of my life, I lacked self-confidence. In first grade, I was publicly humiliated before my entire school — more than 400 students. The experience was devastating and shattered my confidence. I silently vowed to avoid public exposure, and I became quite successful in keeping that vow. By repeatedly limiting myself, I only strengthened my diffidence.
During the coronavirus lockdown, Amma not only asked us to give satsaṅgs but also began posing questions. I loved reflecting on them, yet I never intended to speak publicly, even though I had answers. Amma, however, encouraged me to speak — forcing me to confront the deep-seated lack of confidence I had carried since childhood. She gave me detailed guidance on how to proceed, how to prepare, and what to keep in mind. Eventually, I felt I had no choice but to stand up and expose myself publicly.
Fear and anxiety overwhelmed me, and I could not prepare well. When I began speaking, I became acutely aware of my shortcomings even as the words left my mouth. After a few minutes, Amma smiled lovingly and gestured for me to sit down before I had finished.
On one level, I accepted Amma’s wish. On another, I felt I had failed. I concluded that public exposure simply was not for me.
Yet Amma continued to encourage me. I cannot adequately describe the struggle and pain I went through during that period. Through the classes I attended and Amma’s teachings, I gradually gained clarity, shed mistaken notions, and learned to follow her guidance.
What ultimately helped me move forward was not confidence in my abilities, but a firm conviction that I must do whatever Amma asked of me — because it was for my highest good, regardless of how I felt.
When I stood up to speak a second time, uneasiness returned. The old childhood pain resurfaced, and whatever little confidence I had vanished. I wanted to flee. My legs trembled, my throat was dry, and I felt I might faint. The camera was focused on me. Thousands of eyes were watching. All I could do was pray to Amma: “This is your wish. Please guide me and give me the strength to accept whatever happens.”
Fixing my attention on Amma, I read the answer I had prepared. When I finished, Amma took the microphone and spoke. She gave very positive feedback and emphasized that even if we fail the first time, we can still progress if we persevere.
What changed was not the external situation, but where I placed my trust. I shifted my confidence from my own abilities to Amma. Left to myself, I would never have found the courage even to attempt public exposure. It was only Amma’s loving guidance and my firm conviction that she creates circumstances solely for my good that helped me overcome a lifelong limitation I had imposed upon myself.
In doing so, I learned to become my own friend rather than my own enemy. As Śrī Kṛṣṇa says:
uddharēd ātmanātmānam nātmānam avasādayet
ātmaiva hyātmano bandhur ātmaiva ripur ātmanaḥ
Uplift yourself by your own effort; do not degrade yourself.
The Self alone is your friend — and your enemy. (Bhagavad Gītā, 6.5)
Worldly self-confidence, based on abilities and achievements, may support us but it remains fragile. Confidence in Amma offers a far deeper strength. It reassures us that we are never alone and that we are acceptable just as we are — as children of the Divine Mother. This nurtures a deeper trust and a lasting confidence.
Confidence in Amma — our true Self — takes us even further. It helps us recognize who we truly are and supports us in overcoming our vāsanās (latent tendencies). Amma is the embodiment of the Self. As we gradually understand and assimilate this truth through her boundless grace, trust in the Self deepens, until only the Self remains.From that Self arise true understanding and compassion — the very qualities Amma expressed in her response to the comments on fashion. May we all grow in this true Self-confidence, until we dissolve in oneness with that Self.